Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
