Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
