"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
