a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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