i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
