whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
