Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
