Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm passing your future prison.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
