She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
