i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
