The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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