If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
