Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
