What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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