bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
