jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
