i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
