Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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