You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she looked like the before picture.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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