we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
