A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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