I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
