I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I enjoy the company of your penis
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
