im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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