Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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