I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
