dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
