There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize