when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My ATM looks so different sober.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
