you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
