Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize