I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
