We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
do herpes really smell.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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