I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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