My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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