Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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