I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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