i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
this is an emotional support booty call
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
