My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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