So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
