do herpes really smell.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
