if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
