Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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