just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
