she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
