ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Who died my cat blue again?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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