You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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