yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
