she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
