apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
