Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
