i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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