Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
