Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
God I need to hump something, right now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
