I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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