She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
