it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
