did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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