Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
