i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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