Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
