I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
