R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
