I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
