You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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