i wish there were pregnant emoticons
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
