His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
