did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
