WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I love having hate sex.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
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The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
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And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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