I accidentally had phone sex last night
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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