I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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