She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
