I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
