That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it glows. i had to have it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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