Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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