DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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