My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
