Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
